Bottom-line Politeness: Admired and Respected   


In another essay, I described 6 rude behaviors that damaged personal relationships in business and professional settings, needlessly causing strained relationships and loss of customers and clients. Here I present the most admired behaviors that strengthen both personal and customer relations. It is axiomatic in business that “we do business with people we like and respect, and who like and respect us.” From this law come the bottom-line implications of these behaviors. 

Most Admired Behaviors 

1. Shows exceptional, insightful listening. Can be still and silent. Clears out the distractions so full attention is available. Concentrates on getting the meaning of what the speaker is saying. Lets the speaker know when she is understood. 

2. Demonstrates a consistent respectful demeanor, meaning that s/he treats everyone decently, from the most elevated VIPs to the lowliest clerks. Has an even-tempered manner that others can depend upon. An attitude and style that consistently includes "How can I help?" No “talking down” to people. 

3. Is easy to be with, approachable and accessible. Friendly. Learns other people's names and calls them by name. Easy to reach by phone, and returns calls promptly. 

4. Honors commitments. In short, keeps agreements he makes, and doesn't make agreements he cannot keep. Shows up for scheduled meetings, and arrives on time. Homework for meetings is done so that he is prepared. 

5. Honest. Is known for her forthrightness, so that what she says is what she means. People can then count on her, and her word is her bond. 

6. Adept at the "social graces." Skillful at meeting new people in unfamiliar settings. Can manage social conversation with many types of people. Tactful and gracious when dealing with others. 

7. Knowledgeable and helpful. Generous when sharing skills and knowledge with others to help them understand and learn new things. Resourceful, and a rich fount with information. 



Note that all of these are learned attitudes and behaviors. Anyone who wants to can improve any of them with some sustained effort. Although some cruder, ruder persons attempt to justify their behaviors by saying “That's just the way I am,” such an excuse is nonsense. With willingness and mindfulness, anyone can drop rudeness and install and express these respectful behaviors. 

(These top seven come from questionnaires and surveys conducted by a colleague, Anne Chadwell Humphries, a consultant to corporations on business etiquette.)