Powerful Listening   
 

How could listening be powerful? It is usually thought of as 
a passive sensory activity, a parallel to what “watching” or “viewing” 
are with the eyes. It is often regarded as a poor relation in the family 
of conversation activities where most emphasis is placed upon the 
words spoken, the grammar, the sound of the voice. 
How listening created a turning point in my life. 

At the end of the first term of my junior year at a huge state 
university, I was called in for an appointment with the academic 
counseling services. I had transferred from a small state college 
and I was performing marginally in my academic work. 

The counselor described my record, then asked me what 
had been going on with me. Then he listened as I talked, 
building my case against the injustices of the professors and 
the uncaring university that did not recognize or appreciate 
my talent, then sharing my decision to leave the university and 
not return, and to seek my fortune elsewhere, maybe New York. 

He listened carefully and without interruption to my diatribe, 
then said simply, “Let me see if I heard you correctly. You were 
saying . . .” and then went on to summarize the essence of what I 
said, often using my exact words. When I heard how absurd and 
self-centered my story seemed, I was shocked and ashamed. We 
then spent some time discussing other approaches to being a 
student at this university, ones that could create success, and not 
only academic, but also personal success. Right then I decided to 
continue, even while on a kind of probation, and to check in 
periodically for academic support. Eventually I got my degree 
on time with good grades, then an M.A., and later a Ph.D. and 
a satisfying academic career as a university professor. 

A half-hour of careful listening had changed my life. 

Listening Requires Effort 

Powerful listening requires some serious effort. First, 
to be effective – in my view – such listening must be within a 
framework of collaboration, not competition. Its purpose is 
dialogue, not debate. In our individualistic society, we believe 
in competition. We have become accustomed to debate, and 
many of our popular TV talk-shows (such as Cross-Fire) are 
debates. Linguist Deborah Tannen has amply described this 
cultural pattern in her 1999 book, “The Argument Culture: 
Stopping America's War of Words.” 

Change in Habits Is Possible 

It is possible, but not easy, to change a pattern so well 
installed into us from childhood on. That pattern is the 
biggest habit we must change to be effective listeners. 
Like Ginger Rodgers dancing with Fred Astaire, both of 
them knew they had to collaborate for both to be 
successful. Their dances were not meant to show off, 
or to show up the other. When they collaborated, both 
looked their best. 

Then there are the smaller patterns that need changing, 
what we usually think of as “skills”. Removing those 
that obstruct good listening (like being quick to “Yes, but” 
the person we listen to) and learning those that assure 
good listening. We can learn these by observing carefully 
people who are highly accomplished listeners, then 
doing what they do. These new skills take practice and 
some getting used to. There are dozens of such listening 
skills and many books that describe them. With each one 
we acquire, and with every obstructive behavior we 
eliminate, we become a more powerful listener. 

In 1959, Prof. Ralph Nichols co-authored the classic book, 
Is Anybody Listening? He spent his career researching and 
teaching about this subject and speaking to business groups 
across the nation. His question is still valid today. Is anybody 
really listening? Alas, when we consider our U.S. Congress and 
Senate the answer seems to be “no”, as they are usually locked in 
bitter partisan dispute. Without their seeing that legislative work 
must ultimately be collaboration and not verbal warfare, they will 
do no real listening.