Refreshing Conversation   


What does it take to create a refreshing conversation? 
It requires expression that is not routine, predictable, or stale. 

(Which, unfortunately, describes many everyday conversations.) 

Elements of Refreshing Conversation 

Refreshing conversation is upbeat, with some new ingredients and 
perhaps some surprises, these expressed with positive energy, colorful 
words, and vitality. Such a conversation might also include the spices 
of wit and humor, a helping of good will. Certainly it has full attention 
among the conversers even though all parties to the conversation may 
not share equally in the talk. It's lively, attentive, and stimulating with 
fresh ideas expressed in a vibrant way. 

Most conversations I observe tend to be routine, and those include 
conversations among good friends and relatives. It's pretty predictable stuff. 

Then I think of the small child, rushing home from school to announce 
“Guess what we did in class today!” She goes on with a lively report about 
how Angie brought her pet snake to school for all to see, and the brave 
students were allowed to touch it. If the parent is eager and attentive and 
says “Wow! Tell me about it,” now that's a refreshing conversation! 

Routine Talk is Dull 

I contrast the above interchange with the predictable available talk 
with a grocery clerk (even when there is no line behind), who flatly 
mentions that “You saved $3.40 today” and “Have a good one” as we 
depart. 

Break the Pattern 

To refresh these conversations, I often make it my goal to “break 
the set” (the routine) by noticing something different, such as an award 
button on the clerk's uniform that says “15 years of service” or 
“Employee of the Month”. I comment on such items, usually asking a 
few questions, then give genuine congratulations to the clerk. In a few 
moments, our brief conversation is transformed. 

Sometimes little bits of wit accomplish the refreshment, as in these 
examples, mostly done tongue-in-cheek: 


I know the guy who invented imitation spaghetti. He's gonna call it 
“impasta.” 

Or, borrowing from another wit, say something like 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." 
--- Film director Billy Wilder 

We become what we think about, and what we think about is 
usually what we listen to and read. Want more verbal spice and 
flavor? Read some contemporary poetry. Want challenging ideas? 
Listen to provocative, in-depth interviewers like Charlie Rose on PBS, 
or talks given at the Commonwealth Club of San Francisco (often 
re-broadcast on public radio.) Also, spend time with colorful, vivacious 
people who have lots of interesting points of view. Their energy will 
rub off on you. 

Above all, break out of predictable conversational routines. 
Then, when talking with others, take some detours, venture 
beyond the usual, be a bit contrarian. 

That'll be refreshing!