Nine Little Things to Improve Conversation   
 

In serious conversation, and also in social small talk, little 
things can have a big impact. 

As the song lyricist Kitty Kallen wrote in the romantic tune, 
“Little Things Mean a Lot,” “say I look nice when I'm not” and 
“send me the warmth of a secret smile . . .” because “little things 
mean a lot.” 

Here are nine little things you can add to enhance the quality 
of your conversations: 

1. Use the other person's name from time to time during the talking. 
Such as “I agree with you, Betty, and will support your proposal.” 
Our names are precious to us, and nearly everyone has a feel-good 
experience when being addressed by name. “Gary, would you call 
me tomorrow with the quote?” 

2. Instead of asking general questions such as “How's it going?” 
ask specific personal questions like “How does your son like Dental 
School?” Being specific shows that you remember details about 
matters important to the other person, such as the family, special 
interests, certain challenges. Routine and general questions usually 
elicit only routine responses like “Fine, thanks.” 

3. Lighten up the talk with a smile. Even with serious topics, a 
friendly smile can be appropriate and can add a measure of good will 
that is helpful in advancing understanding. (Being serious tends to 
suppress feelings and makes the tone of our conversation seem flat.) 
Relax, drop your shoulders, breathe. 

4. Respect people's time for talking so that you don't hold them 
hostage. If you're uncertain, ask “Do you have a few minutes to talk 
now?” This is especially useful for telephone conversation. 

5. Give the other converser their turn to talk. You can do this by 
talking in paragraphs, not chapters, and then signaling it's their turn 
with a question like “What are your thoughts?” 

6. Adjust your voice controls for easy listening. These include 
speed, volume, pitch, and tone of voice so that listening to you can 
actually be pleasurable. 

7. Share some information of value to the other, perhaps a tip 
like “I just found a great car mechanic, does good work and is really 
reasonable.” Or “I know you like history, Fred, so you might enjoy 
that new film June and I saw last week. It's about the Civil War.” 

8. When you're with someone, give your full attention. 
The gift of your presence and attention is quietly powerful and 
strengthens relationships. Fully engaged listening is rare in our 
multi-tasking worlds of work and home. When you listen, just listen. 
Don't wander. 

9. End your conversation gracefully and not abruptly. When 
appropriate, thank or compliment the other person when you are 
ending. “I really enjoyed talking with you and understand the 
situation much better now. Thanks a lot.” 

These little things add a quality of civility and care to any conversation. 
Ultimately, they mean a lot because your attitudes tend to be reciprocated. 
When you pay attention and include these little things, others will often do
these same things for you, and that makes for a satisfying talk.