Conversation “Cool Cucumbers"  


The ability to maintain a poker face can be a valuable asset in a high stake card game or a tough negotiating session. Leakage in expression that gives away your hand or your position could easily cause a loss. For othger interactions, however, the opposite is true. 

Successful social or learning conversations require that one´s face and voice be alive to the moment. They must be responsive. Just as one dancer takes cues from the part ner and moves accordingly, the partner-in-talk is expected to respond with expressions that fit. In effect, the listener guides the talker with cues on how to proceed. For example, does the listener understand, or Agree, or want a turn to respond verbally? 

A deadpan face gives off no such information, leaving the talker confused. Such a “cool cucumber” response will often frustrate the speaker, who has difficulty reading the muted signals. 

For example, is the listener being self-protective or deceitful, trying to conceal information? Or, perhaps, the listener is being passively aggressive, refusing, like Teflon, to let any ideas stick. Or, not wanting to imply that s/he agrees, reduces involvement and expression. (Sometimes shy people develop such an emotionally shut-down demeanor to avoid the shame and embarrassment of appearing tongue-tied or stupid.) 

Skeptical coolness is one of the more difficult routines for speakers to relate to. A person who assumes such a “cool” listening stance may be trying to convey an air of superiority, making the speaker try harder to be credible and win approval. Such coolness is often seen to be smug or aloof. Most social conversation needs to be collaborative, not competitive. 

However, the “cool cucumber” acts in a half-hearted way, and refuses to engage the conversational game sincerely. This less-involved stance misguides, blocks, or mystifies the conversational flow. Social psychologist Albert Mehrabian of UCLA used the term “responsiveness” to label the expressions given off by a listener through voice, body language, and words. 

He pointed out that for “I´m listening” to be credible, one must demonstrate with expressiveness. Put bluntly, people who are miserly with their expressiveness cannot expect to be taken seriously as fully-engaged conversationalists.